Ok so let’s be real. When it comes to liking boys, Christian girls typically handle it like any other girl. And while yes, we are all women and this a common human experience blah blah blah, we should handle this in a radically different way. We should handle our emotions in a radically different way because we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us.
But I get it, its hard. As women, sometimes our emotions can consume us.
Bear with me for a moment as I explain my tree analogy. It really helped me and so I hope it helps you.
You are a tree. Your roots are where you find true life. The roots are where you get energy, nutrients, and everything you need. This is your life in Christ. It goes down deep, beneath the soil. Your true life is hidden with Christ in God. This is where your hope is. This is where your faith is. The roots constitute your true life.
Then you have the trunk, and the tree itself which is just you. It’s who you are, the big things and small things that make you, you. After that you have branches. These are your relationships. Some branches are really thick and immovable; these relationships aren’t broken easily. A huge storm would have to come for that person to be broken out of your life. For you this is probably family or friends. Then there are smaller branches, these are probably just regular friends and there might be a few twigs who are acquaintances.
In my analogy, leaves are like feelings. While one branch may be covered in leaves for one season, in a couple of months it may be stripped bare. A simple gust of wind has the power to blow leaves off trees. These are how our feelings towards people are. We are so prone to change. Especially girls. Our minds are integrated webs, and we tend to feel everything so deeply. But the reality is our feelings from people change so fast; day-to-day and season to season.
However, let me tell you what we girls try to do. Instead of treating our feelings lightly like the fragile leaves they are, we treat them like the roots. We make emotions our god. We think that actually the roots are fed not on the person of Jesus, but our feelings about some guy. We let our feelings consume our conversations, thoughts and time instead of the things of God which have the power to truly satisfy us.
If you like a guy and you find yourself anxious over every interaction with him, or if you feel the need to text him or be around him all the time, I can go ahead and tell you that you have forgotten where your true life is. If you get upset when you see him with another girl, I can go ahead and tell you that you have forgotten that your feelings are only leaves on a branch. And that guy you like in all reality is probably just a twig. If you feel like you need to manipulate situations to get his attention or be around him, if you wake up and your first thought is “when will I get to see him today?” then I can tell you that you need to remind yourself where your true life resides.
Now, liking guys is good. Girls should like guys and be attracted to them. Of course. But all I’m asking Christian girls to do is just remember how flippant our affections can be. Recognize your feelings for what they are: just feelings. They are not your salvation and they should not dictate your life. Pray them out. Give them to the Lord. Go hide yourself in your room and be with Jesus and enjoy his presence. Tell him about that boy you like. But always, love Jesus more. Love him so much that your “like” towards that guy looks like hate. Let your devotion to Jesus shine before men. I’m telling you, this is so much better than that empty feeling. Jesus’ love is real. And His acceptance is always there waiting to wrap you up. Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.
You will spend your entire life trying to comprehend the depths of His love for you, and still, you will never grasp it. Tap into that.
Give men the honor of pursuing you. They are wired to pursue, chase, and woo your affections. A man of God will pursue you. He won’t wait for you to make the decisions. He is confident in who he is and who God has called him to be. If he doesn’t make his feelings known to you, either he doesn’t like you or he is too afraid to say anything in which case I’m not sure you want to date him anyway.
Also, be single. Singleness is good. Just like people need to learn how to be alone in our culture they also need to learn to be single. If right after you break up with someone or stop “liking” someone you immediately move on to someone else, pause and ask yourself why. Is Jesus enough for you? Do you believe that you can truly find fullness of joy in His presence? Have you tasted and seen how good He truly is?
And I challenge you, if you haven’t, dare to find out.
Liking a boy should not be a dramatic, gut wrenching, devastating thing. When you find true life in Christ, you will find yourself at peace even in the midst of such stormy emotions. You will find that more and more your feelings are dictated by Jesus, and your affections for other people line up with His. When you dig your roots down deep in the Lord, you won’t even be tempted to idolize that feeling ever again, because the real thing will be so much better.